Tension between mess and form. Transparent layers of vulnerability. Beauty in imperfection. Life is raw. real. messy. Finding beauty in it all.
Yes, I know. This painting is an abstract piece of art. Your 2 year old could probably paint this. But, this isn’t about the mere surface of the painting. What does each messy quality of line carry. What does each transparent layer reflect back to you. Each mistake shown. Where faint remnants of messed up lines remain. My painting holds so much of what it is I want to say. My real-time processing in trying to understand the state of things. Society. Humanity. My inner-world. My deepest thoughts. A mere reflection of everything inside of me coming into physical form in the medium of paint, in the style of abstract art. What I am trying to process here is… life itself, at least in the way I am experiencing and trying to make sense of it.
The line in my painting is a journey. Trying to find completion, finality, a composition that makes sense. But, the journey of trying to find rhythm, composition, beauty, cohesiveness through a simple line is not always easy. Finding composition takes much thought. Discovery. Messing up. Making mistakes. Finding what works. What doesn’t. My paintings are a peek into the struggle in which it can be to find a composition that works, that speaks. But my painted line is more than that, it is a metaphor, or rather a reflection of life. Life which is messy, complicated. We may be going one way only to learn we need to go another. We take detours. We mess up. We fall down. We get back up. Life hands us disappointment. Heartache, pain, We move on. We figure it out as we go. That’s life. It’s imperfect. But there is beauty in that.
In a world obsessed with the pursuit of perfection, I want my paintings to allow and hold space for the imperfect. An open invitation to be vulnerable. To simply just be you. I feel many of us have become so afraid of our own selves. our own hearts. letting ourselves be seen, truly seen. To allow ourselves to be raw, real. So, here in this painting, you will see transparent layers of where I thought a line would work for the overall composition, but in fact didn’t. So I gently, but not fully, paint thinly over it allowing room for a new line that does work, but you can still see the remnant of the previous line under transparent layers. That’s vulnerability. Vulnerability in allowing others to see what’s beneath our facade. The vulnerability to be present around others without a screen in our face to distract us. The vulnerability to see the messy, imperfect parts of ourselves. The vulnerability to allow others in. The vulnerability to fully express (and show) how we feel, how we process the world and others around us. I hope my paintings allow the safe space for you to let your guard down and just let you be… you. To let things come to surface. To feel. Really feel. To allow others to connect. Really connect with you. Behind whatever defenses we’ve built up around ourselves, there is a purity, a delicate truthfulness of self underneath it all. And how sad that we feel we must cover parts of ourselves up. I hope when one views my painting they feel the reflection in themselves that they are loved for every messy, imperfect, raw, real part of themselves. They are loved for the parts of themselves that they feel they need to hide from. I hope my paintings allow the invitation to walk through life more honest and real and true to oneself. Because there is beauty in the mess of life. And the most beautiful part of being human is to feel and connect with others in real, raw, honest ways. And I hope we can do so with gentleness, grace, kindness, understanding and softness with each other. To allow others to feel safe in being themselves. I can’t express enough how much I crave realness again. I feel suffocated by fakeness, shallowness, screens, distractions, consupmtion, the weight of perfection, the pursuit of perfection.
Maybe my paintings are more of a promise to myself, to, in spite of what I’ve been through, I will keep showing up, never shrinking. To live life fully, wide-open. Authentically. Kindly. Gently. Realizing that when it gets rough, I can redirect. Learn. Grow. Show up. Find my people. Not run or hide from the things that hurt me. But to be vulnerable. Connecting with others who relate. I deeply want realness. I want authenticity to be valued, cherished, celebrated more. I want to experience what it means to be human in it’s fullest, purest depth. To enjoy the journey. Mess and all. Because what a beautiful thing it is to be human. To be alive.
These words. My words. To those who are reading. Might think what I have to say is dumb and doesn’t make sense. Might not relate to what I am saying. Might have a different opinion on the matter. Or maybe you just felt like you wasted 10 minutes of your time that you’ll never get back. haha. And that’s beautiful if you do. Because you are feeling. And to me, that is one of the purposes of art. Is to make one feel. To spark thoughts and conversations. To become more introspective of our inner-worlds and in turn bring it to light and share with others. And, maybe, hopefully to some my painting will resonate. Allow you the space to be your cute little messy self. This is a rambling, unfiltered way in how I feel about the topic in which I am writing about. Let’s live life fully, honestly. Let’s be real. Wear our hearts on your sleeve. As messy as it all can be, because we are not perfect, we are human. But please do so with kindness and grace towards yourself and others.
As my dad always says: enjoy the journey. And as my grandma’s legacy teaches: move through life with kindness and leave behind a legacy of love, despite what life might throw your way. And as I’d like to express: be real, be true, be your beautiful quirky authentic weird self.
(These are my own words and my own words alone. ChatGPT is never used in my expression of thought. There’s a place/time for such tools, but, never in my expression.)
